30/6/09

1st July 09 - 31st August 09

In these 2 mths time, I got:

- 3 wards clinical attachment (6weeks - In my hosp, we need to clerk ALL cases in the ward)

- 5 presentations (1 TDM, 2 ward presentation, 2 public presentation)

- 2 case report (like what we've done in Pharm care last year, guidelines journals wana vomit d)

- 1 research presentation

- 1 research thesis (my research like SHIT so SHITy that I dont know how to write in word, ntg can decribe it cz even shit oso better then my research...)

- 3 leaflets (I dont know when they will throw them back to me & ask me to edit edit edit & hand in to them & give me back & edit edit edit & hand in to them ..............................................)

I feel that I am experiencing semester 6 in Strathclyde one more time... but this time without all my good friends around...

What else can I ask for?? Wish the stressful workloads may help me to reduce some body wt maybe??

Hehe... if everythg goes smooth, eg they dont ask me to re-do my SHIT research etc, I will b free Sept onwards...

Can't wait can't wait...

Wish me luck... till then...

26/6/09

鸵鸟一直都很羡慕小鸟能够在天空飞翔
于是鸵鸟也去学飞，就这样鸵鸟花了很多时间在学飞
但最后才发现原来鸵鸟是不能飞的
由于一直以来都跑很快的鸵鸟就因为花了很多时间在学飞
结果连跑也跑比其他鸵鸟慢了
鸵鸟很伤心，甚至逃避放弃了
因为飞也不能，跑又比其他鸵鸟慢....

那鸵鸟应该继续学飞还是练跑呢？

Saw this article from some1's blog... the initial meaning is abt learning & dreams... but I was thking of a fren whn I read this...

Recently I talked with a fren tht v understand each other well... She said she is in love for quite some times adi, but she asked me not to tell othrs... I feel sad... Well, tell me what people normally do whn they r in love?? scream to the whole world tht he/she is in love?? lotsa sms n calls avday tht tend to ignore frens?? well, I dont c all these in this fren...

The saddest thg is tht I dont even c happiness on her face... or mayb I dont see her often thts y I didnt feel tht she is happy... I really hope so...

& many many stories btw them tht I shldnt expose here...

She ask for my opinion... shld I encourage her to continue or to let it go ?? Im confused... to follow our mind or thk rationally?? haih... just like da article up thr, she put so much effort on this r/ship, how if 1 day she found thg...

Helpless... the feeling of cnt get to help ur goodfren is suck to the max...

wish u luck...

25/6/09

RESEARCH arrrhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I believe the next happiest moment for me is the moment after all FRPs scold complain comment throw away my research paper & presentation slides & ask me to get lose & NO NEED TO RE-DO ALL OVER AGAIN plus NO NEED TO RETAIN ME FOR ANOTHER PRP YEAR...

End of August u faster come...

I miss Dr. Sandy Gray... He is such an awesome research lecturer...

23/6/09

I think I should write a summary here after my 2wks clinical attachment in nephro ward... to remind myself how lucky I am... of so many patients I encounter, plan to record 2 pts tht I learned the most...

Thr's this 50++ woman admitted due to diet intolerance... vomitted out all food she eat... a regular dialysis pt. I knew her, cz i gave her medicine b4 & I rmb her cz she is very kind & obedient... talk softly n rmb indication, dose n frequency of all medications eventho she was on 12types of medications daily... She said she rmb me as well... She said I am very patient when explain avthg to her lasttime not like othr pharmacists (wow so happy I told myself I must concern abt this pt more...)

She talked with us, smile n laugh n eat all medicines we gave... She told me hw happy she was cz her son goin to get married soon etc... & I told her I will counsel her on insulin the next morning...

BUT, da next morning... She passed away... I swear v re-checked avthg adi... no treatment error no mistake but she has just gone...

& I am angry cz his son never visit her thruout her 3 days of hospital stay... whn his son came to da hosp n nurse asked him abt his mum's condition, he knows ntg... GOOD SON u may faster go get married n have son/daughter n I wish next time ur son/daughter will treat u as how ur treat ur mum...

I will never forget the expression she showed when she tells me she is very happy cz her son is going to get married soon...


Another patient who is only 33... got diabetes & kidney failure due to diabetes... Specialist suspected he ate some medications outside eg NSAIDs, but he denied... Specialist explained to us he is very sure that he took some medicines w/o us knowing b4 admit to hosp, otherwise his kidney function wnt get worse in such a rate... Agn & agn doctor told him not to take medicine outside since lasttime... but he didnt listen...

I counsel him on new insulin... spent near 2 hours explain to him slowly cz I know he is such a stubborn person... explain agn n agn... talked abt complications of diabetes etc etc etc... what food shldnt eat etc etc... He said yes yes yes will follow wat i said...

the next morning... I saw him eating bread with a thick layer of KAYA... with Teh Tarik... the thgs tht i asked him to avoid yday... I swear the kaya was so thick that is enuf to cover his whole obese body if it's to be used as a cream... nvm, counsel him agn... N he said yes yes yes...

Afternoon, I saw him eating alot of malay kuih-muih... with COKE... also the foods tht I asked him to avoid... n the thg tht make me almost fainted is tht all these were bought by his wife... Im confused maybe if her husband died she cn get alot of money or anythg...

Suddenly Im thinking of tht woman who has passed away... I felt like scolding him did he really know that thr are many plp who wana live also no chance but he is putting his own health into risk... eating medicine tht doctor not allowed, eating all food n drink tht we are not allowed...

In this world, plp oways tot anythg happened on a patient is tht patient's own business... a son that dont know what his mother's problem eventho they r staying together... a wife who supply food that will harm her husband etc etc... Do u still rmb how ur parents take care of u whn u were still small... Do u still remember what did u promise before u say 'I DO' during ur wedding... y suddenly loves & cares bcum a burden for u guys/gals ?? haih...

My intestine got an abscess & need to have operation to remove it asap... from A&E to specialist to ultrasound to operation avthg juz happened within few hours... I saw many loves... my daddy went to buy whateva food tht i wana eat... my mummy knew I dunlik to use pillow outside & purposely go home & get 1 for me... I saw them worried alot eventho they told me not 2 worry b4 I go into operation theathe...

N also my othr prp frens who came to visit me... luyi jokes alot made me 4got abt the pain... my uncle aunties etc, my bro n sis in law etc... N lil prince brandon who played with me till my wound pain agn hehe... n ofcz many sms from othrs...

I feel so hang fook... Middle of the nite I cnt zzz... I compared myself with those pts in hosp... my tears dropped... I am just having a small operation that so many plp concerned abt me... But I see othr plp in my hosp that having severe disease yet nobody visit them... I was staring at Dear middle of the nite whn she's zzzing... She took 1 day off to teman me in the hosp... by thking of how she gv me water, cover me with jacket, keep asking me if I am very painful etc... I asked myself what good thgs I've done during my previous life that the god give me this person... If I cn spend the rest of my life with her, what shld I afraid of??

I am imagine my future house staying with my parents, dear n 2 babies...

Something to ponder on

Yup! Contented should be the word!

I know i shouldnt complain anymore! What more could i ask for? I have a great family, the most caring and understanding bf, a bunch of great friends, a stable job, etc etc etc

I will never move on if i keep thinking bout the past. What has past shall remain as memory and i should anticipate what's coming next.

It's time for a change! But i need some time...

Work smart, play hard, spend wisely... & get married after few years lol...

People I must express my feeling now before I go to clinical 2moro... Im afraid after clinical this kinda good feeling wil evaporate... & lazy to blog anymore... so I better record it down 1st...

Thx everyone... I am very happy with my life now... No no... I am very happy with my life since i was born till now... My 24th bday just passed n wat I've achieved in the past 24 yrs??Well... ntg... but who cares as long as I live happily...

My parents... the greastest person on Earth... Giving me everythg I want... Unconditional love & care... unlimited financial support !!! (tht's GREAT... hehe...)

Since young --- Mummy said: 'DiDi luckily ur result is not too bad so that the auntie who stays behind cant show off in front of me'... --- Ngek ngek...

In UK --- Mummy used to ask me: 'DiDi got enuf money to spend thr?? 500pounds per mth enuf or not?? need to send more money to you ??' --- 500pounds enuf to cover my 3 mths expenses adi la

Mummy used to said: 'DiDi dont talk so long la go do ur work n study n rest' --- But everytime I will spend more than 1 hr to talk to her & daddy told me after tht she wil b in good mood for few days...

When I am unhappy --- Mummy says: 'DiDi, do u know how lucky u r?? u got everythg u want...' --- Mum I know I know thts y I nvr complain...

& my Daddy...

Highschool --- 'Yeaw what time u came back yesterday night ?? u know how dangerous mailto:#@$%^&(*&^....

College --- 'Yeaw u morning only reach home ler, tot i dont know'

Uni --- 'Yeaw, if late dont come back, stay at frens' hse dont hvna waste petrol'...

What I am trying to say is that my parents know how to give me freedom... They let me do wateva thg i wan... they know i club alot but they nvr complain as long as I didnt do anythg to harm myself... They allow me to study pharmacy & go oversea... They want me to go travel as much as possible whn I was in UK... N even now I am working they will still ask me if I got enuf money to spend or not...


N recently, when we go shopping mall or go eat, I thk they 越來越像小孩 --- 很黏我

N lasttime they will explain to me when they see somethg new, but now most of the time I am the one who explain n introduce them sthg new / sthg hot now... eg eat da bread with olive oil & vinegar, they will only serve main course after u finish ur appetizer etc...

I love this kinda feeling & I never feel annoyed
我甘願被黏著

I oways say : Daddy whn I become rich I buy u benz ok... N Mummy I wil buy you Gucci or LV (no, both Gucci AND LV) when I become rich can... Come on la, I know this is impossible... but they like to hear that, so why not...

N now I realized I wil hold mummy hand automatically whn thr r many people... or touch Daddy shoulder to move forward whn thr r many people... I love this feeling too...

Daddy n Mummy, if possible, I wish u both can stay with me nexttime... I wanna take care of both of you...

你們要開心
因為你們開心 我就開心
你們要健健康康的 不要太操煩
因為我還要帶你們去更多的地方玩
我們還要拍很多很多的照片

Daddy Mummy, 謝謝你們把我生的胖胖 生的可愛 生的這麼好 ...........

我愛你們 !!!

ps : I am in a rush so hope u guys understand what I am saying...

Bye...

4/6/09

'你的朋友是你宝贵的财产，
他们让你开怀，让你更勇敢。
他们总是随时倾听你的忧伤。
你需要他们的时候，他们会支持你，
向你敞开心扉。'

Yup, m missing my friends very much... Working in my hospital is boring, i dont have good friend, no problem sharing... all we talk is just about work... Previous 3 months were honeymoon for me as in my prp year... I was in satelite pharmacy, manufacturing & OPD, ie you just need to complete your work during working hours & there is ntg to do after u go home...

Its good la i have some time to settle down and think... & Dear was very busy in the pass 2 mths plus due to clinical & presentation, & I am alone most of the time... but nvm, She still cares about me as she always does... hehe...

Watched a local drama 'love.18' during these period... I hate so-called 'idol drama' since lasttime n I've never watched any of them since last time... But this drama is good (in my opinion only la), I like it very much... Cz i found some missing pieces back into my colourless life...

It reminded me of my auntie (babysitter) (now 60+ years old adi) who took care of me since i was born until 7 years old... During that first 7 yrs of my life, I love her more than anyone else... i used to call her mummy... She carry me & 2 of us go Kajang by bus... She feed me ABC... i still remember that ABC stall which was located under a big tree... & we do this every wednesday... thts y i love wednesday... This kinda life continued for 6-7 years... without fail... the only changes is that lasttime she carry me to bus stop (1-2yrs old), thn she hold my hand whn i was 3-5 yrs old, & thn she let me walk by myself after 5 yrs old...

She got diabetes since young & she said every morning after breakfast i will go take medicine & ask her to eat. She said thts y among all children that she jaga (i thk got more thn 10 children within her 20 yrs of babysitter's life), she loves me the most...

By looking at Joshua's gramma in tht drama, im missing her... I went to visit her... nvr visit her for more than 3 years adi... She is so old now, with diabetes & hypertension... n due to diabetes, her eye sight is getting worse... She was very happy... I felt that... before I left, i gave her some money, n told her that now I am working adi, its time for me to do somethg for her... then...

She said 'Finally you are an adult now, u know or not, lasttime when u were still small, u did told me that when you grow up, you will give me alot of money so that I dont have to worry about money'... (Yup, my auntie's family was poor last time & alot of people look down them)... I nearly cried in front of her, but as usual i can tahan one...

I love her... I wish i can visit her more often from today onwards...



Then that drama made me think of my highschool frens... especially CheeHorng, WeiLian & YuBin... ok la our friendship is normal la not like in that show got some gay issues... ours are normal best frens... hehe... because of this show, i keep in touch with them again (both also like nvr contact for few years adi)... N it feels good, cz v still talk alot like lasttime...

Everythg happened btw us lasttime were still very clear in my mind... WeiLian, u brought me to ChinaTown... N we said use rm20 for 1 day KL trip... v walked from ChinaTown to Bkt Bintang (its damn far lor)... I helped you plan games for ur bday... & endless cards & paper msg... N avthg...

& for CheeHorng, i rmb i dont eat mum's cooking & go canteen to eat lunch wif u avday... eat cucuk udang opposite our school almost avday until i become so fat while u r still so slim wtf... worked for Persatuan Seni etc...

YuBin... thr are so many thgs to rmb btw both of us... our friendship is forever... i still keep all the paper msgs u gave me... feel so silly when read them again... hehe...

I miss u guys...

Then, I am missing my lil sister... Dont know why by looking at the main actress, i do think you will look like her if u r still with us... i nvr have this kinda feeling by seeing other girls... I dont know why god gave her to us but in such a short period took her back... but god has His reason for it... nvm... I sayang you very much eventho u were just with us for few months... u still remember me?? We were taken care by the same babysitter... while elder brother was taken care by another babysitter... Mum said i sayang u alot, everytime see you also must go sayang your hair one... Everyone told me my sister is very cute, very fair & eyes very big... but I've forgotten your face N mummy also threw all ur pics adi... or maybe she got keep but dont want to let me know...

But since you were admited to hospital after ur 1st full month, i got no chance to sayang you anymore, cause you nvr leave the hosp anymore... N in hospital you are surrounded by lotsa machines n doctors... n finally you are gone... everytime i passby UMMC im thinking of u... I miss you...

Hmm, so how not to fall in love to that drama?? it reminds me of too many thgs tht i've forgotten/ almost forgot... & all these momories i will keep in my heart, try not to forget every single thg tht happened in my life before...

Nvm, clinical start nextweek... I am prepared & by thinking of everyone who support me, i am mentally strong to undergo this battle... & Dear, thx for everythg.... u understand me the most... eventho i dont say anythg, u know what im thinking...

Hmm, wat else?? Uncle Lim coming over next month, cant wait... thx everyone...

till then...